EMULATION OF THE MONTH
Cock’In (1985, Commodore 64)
The Commodore 64 is a machine that’s perhaps been neglected a bit in Emu Zone, so it’s about time we put that right. And surely nothing could be more appropriate than to do it by looking at a genre of game which has been overlooked for even longer – the having-sex-with-chickens-‘em-up. Your reporter actually first encountered this game on the Spectrum, under the less-entertaining title of Chickin Chase, but it was on the C64 that the taboo of farmyard fornication was first broken by the early pioneers of videogaming. To be fair, it’s not as tasteless as it sounds – you do play a rooster, and all the hot chicken-on-chicken action takes place behind a curtain in a little avian love nest. But shagging a chicken is inescapably what this game’s all about.
The object is to eat lots of birdseed and worms to get your strength up, then give the chicken missus a good chicken seeing-to. (Being a chicken, this takes barely half the time it does for the average human male, ie about four seconds.) At this point your good lady wife lays an egg, which you have to protect from foxes, rats, Bill Oddie and the like. As the eggs hatch, you have to keep up the supply by providing plenty more hard lovin’, or your other half will come out and whomp you with a rolling pin, just like in real life.
Running effortlessly on quality C64 emulators like VICE or CCS64, Cock’In will give you new respect for the hard-pressed, and indeed hen-pecked, life of a rooster. It’s a frantic game, and between feeding yourself, protecting your eggs and making quality time for your sweetheart, there’s never a moment’s peace. And at the end of it all, someone chops your head off and serves you up in a lemon sauce. If there was ever a better metaphor for the life of a poor underpaid emulation columnist, Emu Zone wants to know about it.